Knit Lit

It needs to be said, or written, or both

Dear Me,

I know there are times you are not honest with yourself.  I also know that it hurts you to hear that, because honesty with oneself is very high on your personal “things I must be” list.  You are way too hard on yourself.  You can not see what a wonderful person you are, not to mention a great mom and wife.  Stop.  Before you protest, I want you to listen to what I have to say.  What?  Yes, yes. I know you are reading this letter not listening to it, but you know what I mean.  Stop it! You will not distract me with semantics.

The fact is you hold yourself to an unrealistic standard.  You are not Wonder Woman, child.  You are a regular person with regular feelings and obstacles.  What you are going through is life.  Yup, it happens to us all.  We muddle through the best way we can.  No one is perfect.  No one gets it right all the time.  You make the best decisions you can make with the information you have at the time.  It is not going to help anyone, lest of all yourself, to worry about what happened in the past and how you would do things differently now.  There is a flaw in that kind of thinking, dear heart.  You didn’t know then what you know now.  If you had to do it all over again, with the same information you had at that time, there is not one thing you would have done differently.  When you accept that fact, you will be better off.

Oh and you do know that June Cleaver, Samantha Stevens and Carol Brady were not real people, don’t you?  Yes?  Well, you sure don’t act like it.  Those women were on TV, where every problem is solved in 30 minutes or less.  Sweetie, you are not on TV.  You also have a job.  It is unrealistic for you to work all day and have dinner on the table at 6 o’clock in a spotless house, wearing heel and pearls.  It’s just not going to happen.  Those women did not have jobs outside the home.  I’m not going to say they didn’t work; they did.  But honey child, that was their job.  They had all day to cook, clean, grocery shop, do the laundry, join the PTA and whip up cookies in time for the kiddies to come home from school.  How do you expect to do that in 15 minutes?  You can’t.

Your family is not starving.  They are clothed.  The house is clean.  No, clutter does not constitute “dirty.”  It is stuff, not filth.  Everyone has stuff.  Now granted, your yarn stuff is more abundant than most; but I have been on the internet. Your, what do you call it, stash is no where near the largest out there.  Give yourself a break.  You have a hobby that produces a functional object at the end of it.  What about all those “sports” people.  They watch it; they play it.  They have nothing to show except 3 hours of their life gone.  Knitting brings you joy, scarves, blankets and sweaters.  It is okay to knit.  It is okay not to sweep, vacuum, mop, and dust every day.  Heck, it is okay to only do those things once a week.  I know what you are going to say. What about once every two weeks?  Well, sure.  Unless you are tracking in pounds of dirt, I’m sure you are fine. Give yourself a break.

This weekend, you finally got caught up on the laundry.  That’s right. All the laundry has been washed and  put away.  That is an accomplishment.  I can hear you right now.  “But I didn’t get the ironing done.”  So what?  What if you didn’t get the ironing done.  You got to watch a movie with your son.  In the grand scheme of things, what do you think he is going to remember? Is he going to tell his friends, “yeah, my  mom is great. She always had my clothes ironed.” No, he is not.  He is going to say, “I remember when I was little. Mom and I would sit on the couch, watch movies and eat popcorn.”  That is what you need to be focused on.  Do you really want people to remember you by saying, “she always seemed so stressed out, but she was perfectly pressed and her house always smelled clean.”  Is that what you want? Is it? No? I didn’t think so.  I think you want people to say that you always had your knitting with you and were happy.  You want people to remember the things you knit them and know that you loved them.

Also, and this is very very important, what other people at work think about you is not your concern.  You can not change what other people think about you.  Now, I know your personal quote.  I also know you have not been taking it to heart lately.  Let’s say it together.

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. – Bill Cosby

Take a minute.  Think about why you decided this is the quote you need to say to yourself everyday.  You can not please everyone.  If you do, you will fail.  You have to accept that you are not going to be friends with everyone.  It is okay to say no.  Yes, it is okay to tell that co-worker you thought was your friend that you no longer want to knit that coat for her granddaughter.  No, you really shouldn’t wait a couple of days and tell her you can’t finish before Christmas.  That is a cop-out. Be an adult and tell her you don’t want to do.  You don’t have to tell her it is because you don’t want to take on such a project for someone you don’t really like and have no respect for.  You can just tell her no.  I know, I know.  She is paying you, but you gave her that amount when you thought she was your friend.  There is no way your time is worth that small amount.  Especially since you have Christmas projects for your own family that are not done.  Just tell her no.  There will be other opportunities to sell something you have knitted.  Be Nancy Reagan and just say no.

I’m sure there is more, but your mind is starting to wander.  If you take anything from this, know that you are human.  You are not perfect.  You are never going to be perfect.  Your family loves you.  They love your imperfections as much as the rest of you.  Do you love them less because they don’t pick up their clothes or make noise when you are trying to sleep?  No.  You love every part of them.  That didn’t work?  You want to be the best?  Okay, what about Lucille Ball?  She was beloved especially for her flaws.  As a matter of fact, all the women characters you love are flawed.  You love them all because of their flaws: Scarlett O’Hara, Eve Dallas, Loreli Gilmore, Monica Geller.  Real women have flaws.  If you see one who seems perfect, they are either lying or hiding it very well.

You are a good person, a good wife and a good mother.  Remember that.

Seeing and loving you for you,



November 17, 2008 - Posted by | Random

1 Comment »

  1. Absolutely true and beautifully written. :-)

    Comment by Bubblesknits | November 17, 2008

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